Tag Archives: abuse

I’m dating for the first time and my boyfriend confuses the fuck out of me. He has strange phases, being very affectionate for a short while and then so neglectful he stays icy and monosyllabic for days. We don’t even fight. What do I do?







Human beings have moods, so it might not be a huge deal. Also, maybe it’s just in your head? 

anon: do not listen to this asshole. you deserve so much better and what your boyfriend is doing is not okay. please talk to me and if not me literally anyone else other than fucking chucklefuck up there about this. human beings have moods but this sounds like so much more than this.

your boyfriend’s behavior is a serious, serious red flag of an abusive relationship and a manipulative person. you deserve better. leave him.

do not listen to ANYONE who attempts to convince you that it’s all in your head, whether it’s your boyfriend or dion the shitface. you know in your gut that something is not right. trust yourself because you can do so much better than him.

you did absolutely nothing wrong. his phases are not your problem and you are not his mother. if he wants someone to deal with his phases and the fact that he’s a human being who has “moods” tell him to get a fucking diary.

otherwise please, please leave. and PLEASE unfollow dion-thesocialist.



here are some articles, don’t let asses like this dion dude gaslight u or make u feel wrong or weird. one of the signs of an emotional abuser is

“He may be described as having a dual personality — he is either charming or exceptionally cruel.  He is selfish or generous depending on his mood.”

this is not okay boo, you are not off or misunderstanding some complex ass thing. this is wrong and something to not be taken lightly.

echoing other people on here that that is absolutely emotional abuse and dion is a fuckhead. If you need someone to talk to about the concerns you are having in your relationship, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1 800 799 7233. Advocates there can talk more about the different dynamics of domestic violence and ways to stay safe ❤ 


also: how is the boyfriend’s behaviour somehow indicative of abuse there are people with mental illnesses who go through these moods and have no control over that holy fuck this entire post is fecal material

exactly, there’s too little context from anon to know whatever is going on with that guy, like wtf, talk to him first…

Yeah this could be abusive behavior, but he could also have a mental illness or disability. I act like that at work sometimes where I’ll be very friendly and talkative some days, but very cold and unresponsive for a few days because I have depression and other stuff going on. A close friend of mine with can get like this too because of her depression. There is simply not enough context from this ask—it’s literally 3 sentences long and people are assuming it’s abuse with very little context. I think Dion is being gross by assuming it’s not abuse or in the person’s head (especially with so little context), but other people on this post are being far too presumptive. Honestly, get more context from people before jumping to conclusions.









A handy guide for anyone not familiar


Oh sorry. I made another, more accurate graphic. In case anyone was still confused. 

Are you gonna draw another Venn diagram showing the overlap of abusers in BDSM?


made a better one

But abusive BDSM isn’t legit BDSM…?

yall gotta understand that abuse is a huge problem in the bdsm community
it happens, and the abusers use the defense of ‘it was bdsm’ and it’s unacceptable
theres an overlap there that needs to be acknowledged within the community before we can move on and work on helping victims

Arguments like the one above are examples of the No True Scotsman fallacy—the idea that a member of a certain group or movement who does something reprehensible obviously wasn’t a real member of that group or movement. 

It’s a common argument on tumblr—“racist/transphobic/ableist/etc feminists aren’t real feminists,” “Bigoted Christians aren’t real Christians,” etc, as well as in this context.

It’s an understandable move to want to dissociate the ideals of a group from those who do the opposite of what the group is supposed to stand for, but in the end, this argument deflects the responsibility of acknowledging and dealing with this kind of problem.

Recognizing that there can be bigoted, judgmental Christians, narrow-minded exclusionary feminists, abusive practitioners of BDSM—even if these people don’t live up to what those groups are supposed to represent—is pretty crucial in dealing with these kinds of situations.

Good comments thank you

Does Domestic Violence Really Increase on Super Bowl Sunday?


[TL;DR Domestic Violence Happens Every Day]

In the 1990s, reporters began circulating a chilling statistic: Super Bowl Sunday was the most dangerous day of the year for women in abusive relationships. Riled up watching the violence onscreen and often under the influence of alcohol, male football fans were said to unleash their aggression on their partners—leading to a spike in women’s calls to crisis hotlines and visits to the ER. The AP labelled Super Bowl Sunday the “Day of Dread.” The Boston Globe reported that women’s shelters were always inundated on the day of the big game. Just a few months ago, Mika Brzezinski told her Morning Joe audience that Super Bowl Sunday has the highest rate of domestic violence of the year.

Recent events have done little to dispel the idea that there’s a link between football and domestic violence—but this particular stat isn’t substantiated. In fact, the idea that Super Bowl Sunday has the highest rate of domestic violence of all the days in the year was debunked long ago. In 1993,Washington Post reporter Ken Ringle tracked down the researchers cited by the various reporters, and all of them said they had been misquoted or misunderstood. “I proved that all their assertions and demographics were fraudulent,” Ringle told me over email. “But the myth persists. It’s harder to kill than a vampire. … It resurfaces every year at this time.”

And the question of whether Super Bowl Sunday is particularly risky for partners in abusive relationships continues to attract researchers’ attention. In fact, new research has suggested that there may be an increase in domestic violence on Super Bowl Sunday, though it’s no greater than the increase on other holidays that revolve around drinking and spending time with family.

In a paper published this past summer in the Journal of Family Psychology, a team of researchers led by Randy McCarthy analyzed data on nearly 25,000 incidents of “partner maltreatment” (defined as physical, sexual, or emotional abuse or neglect) involving members of the U.S. Armed Forces. On the week-to-week level, rates of domestic violence were highest on Saturdays and Sundays—a trend that didn’t surprise McCarthy and his colleagues, since those are the days couples tend to spend the most time together. For the same reason, they predicted an increase in domestic violence on holidays: As they expected, rates of domestic violence reach annual highs on New Year’s Day and the Fourth of July. But they also rise on New Year’s Eve, Memorial Day and, yes, Super Bowl Sunday.

In a 2007 paper in the journal Human Organization, Kathryn Ochs and Tara Robertson used another type of data—calls to a local women’s shelter—to examine temporal trends in domestic violence. They analyzed 2,387 calls to a shelter in Tuscaloosa, Alabama over a three-year period, supplementing the phone data by conducting interviews. Unlike McCarthy, Ochs and Robertson found no increase in calls during alcohol-centric holidays like the Super Bowl, New Year’s, and Independence Day. They did observe a significant increase in the summer months, which, they speculate, may be driven by mothers thinking about the upcoming school year and looking for a safe environment for their children.

Jane Shivas, the Executive Director of the New Jersey Coalition for Battered Women, confirmed that the Super Bowl isn’t an especially busy time for shelters in New Jersey. “In New Jersey, the Uniform Crime Reports from the NJ State Police have shown that, for at least the last two years, the highest number of reported domestic violence incidents occurred on Sundays, but do not support the belief about Super Bowl Sunday, specifically,” she says.

Domestic violence experts have been exasperated by this claim for over two decades. “When people make crazy statements like this, the credibility of the whole cause can go right out the window,” a psychologist who treats battered women told Ringle. “The reality is that domestic violence occurs every day in the US,” says Kenya Fairley, a director at the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence. “That’s what the conversation needs to be about.”

Does Domestic Violence Really Increase on Super Bowl Sunday?

It’s kind of disgusting to see the things you reblog. Those trans, bi, pansexual bows? How could you support any of that. “Transgender” and “genderqueer” are just desperate cries for attention. 0 people raised in warm loving households become “genderqueer” because they already know they are loved and don’t need to lash out with making up a new gender. I love tumblr it’s like watching all of the unwanted people of the world come together and try to tell each other they are the top dogs

Why would you even stay on my blog if my content disgusts you? And of all the posts I have that you’d have a problem with, you pick some bows with bright colors to whine about? Also, I am not genderfluid to “lash out” at anyone. I’m not out to any of my family, so the expression of my identity has absolutely nothing to do with them (they don’t even know about it). But the kind of mentality you have (or at least purport to have—I wouldn’t be surprised if you were a troll, especially considering your url) that gender identity is a product of being raised “badly” is a common and harmful idea that pathologizes trans people. There are still people who have the same ideas about gay and bi people (that you’re gay or bi because your family raised you wrong). In fact, my mom thought that was the case for awhile after I came out as bisexual. I wouldn’t be surprised if you also held beliefs like that about sexual orientation. If you don’t, I guarantee you would have a two decades or so ago if you were alive at the time. The ideas you espouse here about gender are also outdated, and with time they’ll become increasingly unacceptable (basically you’re on the wrong side of history on this one).

But the funniest part about people like you is that you don’t seem to have any clue about how gender variant people have existed in many cultures all over the world for centuries. You see gender variant people in Ancient Egypt, the Roman Empire—you have people of various genders cropping up in many cultures including Native Americans, Samoans, and many African cultures. I highly doubt these people were all “rebelling” against “bad households” by “making up genders”—especially when you consider that these various gender identities were widely accepted in these cultures.

I recently saw a very touching youtube series by a trans woman documenting her experiences with transition and her coming out to her parents, who accepted her immediately and were incredibly loving and supportive. It was one of the best coming out experiences I had ever seen and she was so happy—she definitely did not seem as if her gender was an attempt to “lash out” at anyone—if so, then she was incredibly happy about a failure since it made her parents and her closer than ever. Unfortunately, her experience is rare due to how much discrimination there is. If only that were the norm.

Instead, people like you have trans children and carry ideas like this and abuse their trans children. They drive their children like Leelah Alcorn to commit suicide because they see trans identities as a perversion, sin, phase, or otherwise illegitimate. You have it exactly backwards. Trans people do not “become” trans in reaction to abusive households, many households become abusive in reaction to kids being trans due to transphobia and misinformation.

Honestly, if you think trans and genderqueer people is some teenybopper trend invented on tumblr, you are wrong. There have always been gender variant people. The term genderqueer existed before tumblr even existed. I originally identified as genderqueer before I even knew about tumblr. You’re just ignorant, honestly. You also seem like an insufferable, callous person. But honestly, it’s no sweat off my back because nothing you people say can shock me. It comes to no surprise me how much people like you hate trans people. I don’t know why you think that when you send asks like this it will make a big impact. It’s just radio static in a culture that tells us the exact same things you’re saying. You’re not special for regurgitating cultural norms that we’ve all been spoon fed our entire lives. Just because some bloggers on tumblr disagree with you doesn’t make you edgy. The way people like you obsess over what we say and do on here, in fact, makes you pathetic.

‘We’re all fat again’: More ‘Biggest Loser’ contestants reveal secrets


As “The Biggest Loser” heads toward its live finale Jan. 29, two more ex-contestants approached The Post alleging abuse by the NBC show.

“I suffered multiple stress fractures in my feet,” says Season 2’s Suzanne Mendonca. “I was diagnosed during filming, and the producers and trainers said, ‘You still need to work out. Do the elliptical, do the bike.’ They made me reshoot a running scene.”

Mendonca began the show at 229 pounds and lost 90. “I was eating baby food,” she says. “I’d wrap myself in garbage bags to sweat. We’d use the sauna for six hours a day. We stopped eating and drinking and would work out for four hours a day. People were passing out in the doctor’s office.”

‘We’re all fat again’: More ‘Biggest Loser’ contestants reveal secrets