that said i also don’t appreciate people acting like people cared “more” about Leelah because she was a trans girl compared to Zander, a trans guy—some of that wording in the search results was also really disrespectful and wrong-sighted
just in general i see people being really disrespectful and reductive about this whole thing
tinygenderfluidfox replied to your post: I have literally seen no one on my das…
I’ve seen a few posts that do legitimately pay tribute to him (and I’ve reblogged a few) but you’re right not many. I’m just curious as to why you think that is?
I’m not really sure to be honest. For me, I had to search his name to find anything. I haven’t seen anyone in my circles posting anything on my dash about him unless it was to talk about other deaths.
I think part of it is the conversation that started sometime after Leelah’s death started to focus more on this particular narrative of privilege, so perhaps by the time news of Zander started people were already framing his death mostly according to that narrative and the posts made or with reblogged commentary according to that narrative gained more popularity and traction (at least among SJ circles). I’ve noticed that among SJ there tend to be specific, reductive narratives that gain traction and a sort of group think that emerges where everyone jumps on the band wagon and doesn’t really offer alternative points of view. There’s also the way different circles on tumblr operate. For some circles, including those I’m in, probably by the time they saw posts about Zander, they were only seeing versions with reblogs about how privileged he was or posts only reacting to the posts they’d seen about him to say how other lives also matter. So probably there were circles reacting solely or mostly to Zander, but the circles I’m in were reblogging reactions to those reactions to Zander—if that makes any sense.
Another factor is probably him being a trans guy. Trans men undeniably have privilege over trans women, but in my experience tumblr SJ are pretty hostile to trans guys as a whole. There are a good number of trans guys who participate in bullshit, but it’s totally acceptable to many SJ for people to post and reblog things that randomly declare that all trans guys suck or how you should “choose” any gender identity other than male—stuff that is actually not defensible. I don’t know: I think people on this site sometimes go overboard when they point out privileges people have to the point of minimizing the hardships people go through or advocating hatred toward a marginalized group just because they have comparative privilege over another.
kinda weird to think that if you’ve been suicidal in the past that means you had a near death experience, but people don’t see it that way…
you’re a survivor ❤
one thing i find actually worse than dealing with horrible shit is just having a blandly unsatisfying life and the feeling that you just won’t be able to improve it from what it is – honestly the dryly logical conclusion that your choices are continue living how you are now or dying – that’s actually kind of worse bc i can’t even dredge up the emotional response im supposed to have about death but it just seems like the most logical conclusion but im not upset or suffering enough to carry it out so i just feel numbly aware of the fact my life will continue this way and nothing is going to change and im not going to do anything about it
it’s really annoying
So killing her in body wasn’t enough you also had to kill what remained of her: her words and her message and the record of her experiences
Murderers. You are murderers.
But then again, you won’t succeed because her message reached the world. It reached the media. And it reached people everywhere. Her words in her letter will live on forever. Her name will go down in history. People will remember Leelah. And they will remember you: her murderers.
So killing her in body wasn’t enough you also had to kill what remained of her: her words and her message and the record of her experiences
Murderers. You are murderers.
Leelah’s suicide note on her blog, and her entire blog, have now been deleted. This is beyond sad that someone’s last words, and their message to the world, was erased by those who do not understand.
You can still find the ‘cached’ version of this note here:
http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:HOtpw3dfSgUJ:lazerprincess.tumblr.com/post/106447705738/suicide-note+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us
But, that won’t be available forever. But you can still reblog from the cached page currently.Leelah was not the only trans individual to take her life this year, and was certainly not the only one to have her family misgender them after their passing. But she left a message for the world. It shouldn’t be forgotten.
For now, we’ll leave it here. Just in case.
–
SUICIDE NOTE
If you are reading this, it means that I have committed suicide and obviously failed to delete this post from my queue.
Please don’t be sad, it’s for the better. The life I would’ve lived isn’t worth living in… because I’m transgender. I could go into detail explaining why I feel that way, but this note is probably going to be lengthy enough as it is. To put it simply, I feel like a girl trapped in a boy’s body, and I’ve felt that way ever since I was 4. I never knew there was a word for that feeling, nor was it possible for a boy to become a girl, so I never told anyone and I just continued to do traditionally “boyish” things to try to fit in.
When I was 14, I learned what transgender meant and cried of happiness. After 10 years of confusion I finally understood who I was. I immediately told my mom, and she reacted extremely negatively, telling me that it was a phase, that I would never truly be a girl, that God doesn’t make mistakes, that I am wrong. If you are reading this, parents, please don’t tell this to your kids. Even if you are Christian or are against transgender people don’t ever say that to someone, especially your kid. That won’t do anything but make them hate them self. That’s exactly what it did to me.
My mom started taking me to a therapist, but would only take me to christian therapists, (who were all very biased) so I never actually got the therapy I needed to cure me of my depression. I only got more christians telling me that I was selfish and wrong and that I should look to God for help.
When I was 16 I realized that my parents would never come around, and that I would have to wait until I was 18 to start any sort of transitioning treatment, which absolutely broke my heart. The longer you wait, the harder it is to transition. I felt hopeless, that I was just going to look like a man in drag for the rest of my life. On my 16th birthday, when I didn’t receive consent from my parents to start transitioning, I cried myself to sleep.
I formed a sort of a “fuck you” attitude towards my parents and came out as gay at school, thinking that maybe if I eased into coming out as trans it would be less of a shock. Although the reaction from my friends was positive, my parents were pissed. They felt like I was attacking their image, and that I was an embarrassment to them. They wanted me to be their perfect little straight christian boy, and that’s obviously not what I wanted.
So they took me out of public school, took away my laptop and phone, and forbid me of getting on any sort of social media, completely isolating me from my friends. This was probably the part of my life when I was the most depressed, and I’m surprised I didn’t kill myself. I was completely alone for 5 months. No friends, no support, no love. Just my parent’s disappointment and the cruelty of loneliness.
At the end of the school year, my parents finally came around and gave me my phone and let me back on social media. I was excited, I finally had my friends back. They were extremely excited to see me and talk to me, but only at first. Eventually they realized they didn’t actually give a shit about me, and I felt even lonelier than I did before. The only friends I thought I had only liked me because they saw me five times a week.
After a summer of having almost no friends plus the weight of having to think about college, save money for moving out, keep my grades up, go to church each week and feel like shit because everyone there is against everything I live for, I have decided I’ve had enough. I’m never going to transition successfully, even when I move out. I’m never going to be happy with the way I look or sound. I’m never going to have enough friends to satisfy me. I’m never going to have enough love to satisfy me. I’m never going to find a man who loves me. I’m never going to be happy. Either I live the rest of my life as a lonely man who wishes he were a woman or I live my life as a lonelier woman who hates herself. There’s no winning. There’s no way out. I’m sad enough already, I don’t need my life to get any worse. People say “it gets better” but that isn’t true in my case. It gets worse. Each day I get worse.
That’s the gist of it, that’s why I feel like killing myself. Sorry if that’s not a good enough reason for you, it’s good enough for me. As for my will, I want 100% of the things that I legally own to be sold and the money (plus my money in the bank) to be given to trans civil rights movements and support groups, I don’t give a shit which one. The only way I will rest in peace is if one day transgender people aren’t treated the way I was, they’re treated like humans, with valid feelings and human rights. Gender needs to be taught about in schools, the earlier the better. My death needs to mean something. My death needs to be counted in the number of transgender people who commit suicide this year. I want someone to look at that number and say “that’s fucked up” and fix it. Fix society. Please.
Goodbye,
(Leelah)
JoshAlcorn233,366 notes · #trans#transgender#suicide#suicide note#mtf#mtf trans#genderqueer#gender equality#trans teen#trans teens#transgender teen#lgbt#lgbtq#lgbt rights#lgbtq rights#non-gender binary#genderfluid#trans rights
Sign this petition from the Transgender Human Rights Institute: Enact Leelah’s Law to Ban Transgender Conversion Therapy
“In the pursuit of honoring Leelah’s last request we the petitioners call upon the President of the United State – Barack Obama, and the Leadership of the House and Senate to immediately seek a pathway for banning the practice known as ‘transgender conversion therapy’. We ask that you name the bill in memory of Leelah as Leelah Alcorn’s Law and protect the lives of transgender youth.
‘Conversion therapies’ have been documented to cause great harms and in this case, Leelah’s death. Therapists that engage in the attempt to brainwash or reverse any child’s gender identity are seriously unethical and legislation is needed to end such practices immediately. Transgender youth have one of the highest suicide rates in the nation. We must not allow therapists to increase those rates with therapy methodologies that have been demonstrated in harming transgender youth.
All major psychological associations speak to the heart of harms that can happen to transgender youth when attempting to discriminate and change their gender identity.”
Read the full petition and sign it here. I don’t usually share petitions because there are so many of them out there, but with so much conversation happening around this story, we may have a chance at getting legislative attention, and with Obama we have a sympathetic president!
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